Hilarious Signs That No One Can Take Seriously

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Are you one of those who just takes street signs for granted, or are you one of the clever kind were always ready to notice the unique combination of words and symbols? Some signs may intentionally be designed to draw laugh, and some may come up with the most droll messages unintentionally. Regardless, there is something really satisfying about finding signs that are humorous whether intended or not. Here are several that are sure to put a smile on your face.

Heads up!

When most of us were growing up we were told through the following jingle to be careful when crossing in traffic. The jingle went like this: “Look both ways before you cross the street, use your eyes use your ears before you use your feet.” The days when such a jingle could save your life seem to be far gone as the main distraction now has become that ever-present phone in your hands. Forget about checking for traffic. Now the most important thing is to pay attention to where you are walking and not concentrating on social messaging. Hence, this sign has become quite appropriate and probably lifesaving.

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Scream

Does this sign have something to do with ice cream? We can’t scream for ice cream in this town because it will draw the police? But then don’t the police like ice cream as well? I would try screaming anyhow. Not a good idea to let the police scare you away from a bowl of delicious ice cream. Maybe it’s possible to order the ice cream online or over the phone and avoid the police.

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The Naked Truth

To tell the truth, this sign would seem to be rather appealing, at least for the male customers of this establishment. Of course if you look at it carefully, the whole truth is revealed, that it’s not the waitresses who are naked, but rather the truth. And anyway, who can imagine trying to eat in the presence of attractive women freely showing their fares? You wouldn’t know what to concentrate on first, that which is coming to you through the senses of your mouth or that which you were experiencing through the senses of your eyes. Of course in such situations it is generally true that the “eyes” have it.

3

Not in Use

It’s important to know when a sign is not in use. Just looking at a blank board wouldn’t quite do it for the average person. They might think that something is planned and about to be displayed and they might just stand there for hours or even days waiting for it to appear. Happy is the man that knows right up front that the sign that he is looking at is not really a sign and is not really being used so that he may quietly go about his business without the nagging anxiety of wondering just what he might have missed.

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Jesus is Watching

Well theologically this photo makes a statement by equating God with His Son. But that’s a subject for another time. If he’s God why does he need a closed circuit camera? Couldn’t he just use His normal powers? There’s something strange about this one or am I missing something?

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Pay

I’ll bet this sign had them pouring in to the pub or wherever it was located. I’m sure people are tired of paying for one drinking and getting the other for free. What an ingenious approach to marketing, instead of giving them something take it away. That’s different, that’ll draw people’s attention, everyone will want to try it. Why they might like it so much that they will refuse to go back to the old ruse where you pay for one drink and get the second one free. What fun is that?

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Lion Warning

One can only hope that this sign is handy in the event that one is attacked by a mountain lion and that the lion hasn’t read it first and has prepared him or herself to counter any of your protective moves. That part about fighting back, any other suggestions? Maybe you could try rubbing their tummy, get them to rollover on their back. Always a good idea to carry catnip with you. You never know when you’ll need it.

8

No Nothing Go Home

This sign actually first appeared in a short film “Idiot’s Deluxe” featuring the Three Stooges where “No Smoking” was added. They have subsequently become popular as No Fishing – No Hunting signs that people can post on their property. Apparently they don’t mind if you smoke. I’m sure the fish and the deer are happy with this sign.

9

Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap

This looks like an eating spot in England. You wouldn’t expect to be kidnapped while visiting England but who knows. Anyway, the reasoning seems sound. The police always warn people to take steps to protect their property like leaving on a light to discourage burglars, using a security system, etc. Apparently the more you practice precaution the safer you are. But I imagine you would have to be really big to discourage a kidnapper and to be able to treat yourself to that much food you would have to be fairly wealthy, so the two go together somehow. The wealthy can afford to be fat and the fat can dissuade kidnappers. Some kind of a lesson in there somewhere.

10

Caution Depression

Do they have signs for “beware of joy approaching,” one can only wonder. Of course it’s always a good idea to avoid depression or a depression. On the other hand, if you didn’t have that sign to warn you, you might hit that depression at too fast a speed and take out your vehicle’s suspension system at a cost of several thousand bucks. Then you would really be suffering depression.

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Nothing Happened

What’s with 1897? What’s so special about that date? The exact origin of this sign is not known but it is believed to date back to at least the early 1980s. Maybe there was a big move at that time for municipalities to identify historic sights and one or more couldn’t come up with anything so they settled for this sign. Not a bad idea really as long as it is presented with sufficient authority like the endorsement of the local historical society.

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Police Parking

Here is one police department that does not seem to be that sure of itself. Either that or it has a problem with taking responsibility even though it may be a part of their job definition. Nice of them to warn you in advance however. Maybe they can suggest a more secure spot to leave your car, like maybe in some abandoned neighborhood?

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Hitchhiker Warning

This has in it the same flavor as the police parking lot sign. While the police sign showed little faith in its own enforcement of the law, this sign seems to clearly question the ability of the nearby correctional institution to do its job. In either case the intended message seems to be “You’re on Your Own.” Kind of makes you wonder what we’re paying these guys for.

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Toilet Paper

Seems like one of the last images that you would want to create when appealing to the public to support your institution financially. Actually toilet paper may not grow on trees but it does grow in trees. This sign also triggers images from school days when we used to toilet paper the trees on the school property to let them know that we were around. After such an event the trees would be decorated with roles of toilet paper hanging from them which would seem to negate the message of this sign.

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Hiding

Now this makes good sense and is very enterprising. It has to be a win-win situation both for the escaping husband who can cheaply hire a legitimate foil to cover his trail and for the barman who probably makes more from these calls than he does in tips for the night. And then of course there is the element of blackmail since seeing this sign most husbands will have to wonder what the barman will be telling his wife if he does not pay, and pay well.

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Stop, Drop & Roll

This is a procedure that is taught to students in English speaking countries and to emergency services personnel in the event that their clothes have caught on fire. Here’s what a typical teaching manual tells teachers about the fire safety technique “Stop, Drop & Roll.” Children are taught that in the event that their clothes catch fire they are to stop in place, drop to the ground, cover their eyes and mouth with their hands, roll back and forth to put out the flames, and seek help from a grownup. This church sign is assuring us that such a procedure will not quench the fires of hell.

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Stupid Sign

Of course this will leave most people wondering what the original sign must have said. The present one isn’t saying much of anything except that the boss said to change it and this is the newest version. Where do you go from here? What if the boss sees this sign and tells his staff to change it before firing them. What might that new sign say. Maybe it would say “Does anyone have an idea for a sign?” About the only thing we learn from this one is the name of the establishment which is a food mart, named AmeriStop.

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Fence

Anybody can get drying paint. Where does one find non-drying paint? It’s a great idea if you are having a problem with people handling your fence, although why would anyone do that anyway? Anyway, this should help them to keep their hands to themselves. This kind of paint first appeared in England to keep vandals off of fences since it is also greasy and slippery. Vandals beware. Be careful what you handle.

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Penguins

Those sneaky little devils can show just about anywhere. Probably more likely to be a problem though the closer you get to the South Pole or Antarctica. So if you are planning a trip to Antarctica, and who isn’t these days, make sure to stop your car occasionally and look underneath it for the possible penguin. These signs are often found in combination with the “Warning, Penguin Crossing” signs.

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False Advertising

Here’s a sign that seems to speak for itself. It claims that (hb) provides a home to free beer, topless staff and false advertisement but sounds like the sign itself is a case of false advertising. How many free beers do you know that are looking for a home, or topless workers as far as that goes? I imagine there is a ton of false advertising that is looking for a home. Well, here it is. False advertising, you need look no further.

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Kiss Goodbye

This sign was posted at the parking lot of Denmark’s Aalborg Airport located in Nørresundby, Aalborg Municipality, Denmark, which is 3.5 nautical miles northwest of Aalborg. When it was first set up it didn’t include the time limit but the site became so popular on social media with so many people wanting to be photographed there that it was eventually necessary to add the three minute limit.

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High Heel

This must be a pretty upscale neighborhood to attract so many pedestrians wearing high heels. Apparently the municipality has not given much thought to maintenance when it comes to the sidewalk pavement and consequently there have been a great deal of incidences where women have had their high heels broken. That would explain why some many women can be seen walking barefoot holding their shoes. Must be a real discomfort in winter.

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Need Drit?

This poor guy was just trying to be friendly to his neighbors but apparently his neighbors were not willing to pay him in kind. They didn’t need any drit and they made it clear to this poor humanitarian by dissing his sign. How many declared mistakes can you count? No question mark, possible spelling error and worst of all a lack of knowledge of what drit is as displayed in the added sign. Where are these people coming from?

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Hunting

Of course everyone’s first thought has got to be which of the two signs was posted first? If it was the shotgun sign than you have to wonder why parents would let their children play in a hunting area and if it was the children sign then you have to wonder what would be drawing children to an area where hunters are using shotguns. That is unless we’re talking about a small community where the hunting area is so small and the hunting season so short that hunters are allowed to hunt around schools and children’s playgrounds. Yeah, that explains it.

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Men

I guess this is something that most people must already know and don’t need a billboard to tell them. Then the guy who added his opinion, he must have climbed up on what looks like a pretty flimsy structure to a height sufficient to at least break something if he were to fall, if not his neck, to add his two cents. Let’s hope he survived and didn’t fulfill the message of the sign, at least in part. By the way the billboard was put up by the US Department of Health and Human Services. The AHRQ is the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, but then of course you knew that, right?

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No Stop

Well this is simple. The city is trying to get the public to stop stopping. Wait, or is it to start stopping when they are not stopping. No it’s not stopping when you are stopping, or is it stopping but not stopping? I wonder what to tell the police officer when he pulls me over for stopping in a no stopping zone. “I was just following the sign sir but I can’t tell you which one.”

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Crouch

I think the teacher is just jealous that the students are getting more out of their crouch texting then from the classroom. Maybe to solve the problem the teacher could just text what he is trying to teach to his students and then they might enjoy it better. Do you think revealing to the students that she knows that they are texting will make any difference. All they need to do is to stop smiling while they are texting. She’ll never guess why they keep looking at their crouch, right?

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Saw Seat

I wish I could understand any of these signs. Anyway they are in German at the bottom so that does not help any. I like the one with the guy pulling out his pockets. This sign clearly prohibits you from pulling out your pockets. That’s clear enough. And is that a cloud of smoke over the guy in front of the guy smoking or did someone stick a pillow on his head? I get it, this means no smoking and no putting a pillow on the other guy’s head. That’s definitely clear enough. Then there’s the guy with the saw. Since the sign next to him seems to say no playing guitar maybe this refers to jug bands where they play a saw and it means no playing a saw, or is it no playing with your saw. Maybe it’s alright to have a saw as long as you don’t saw anything with it. I’ll have to ask someone but wait a minute, I don’t speak German, but then I’ll ask them using universal symbols or if you prefer, international graphic symbols.

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Closed

What ever happened to the good old days when a store owner would put up a sign like “Gone Fishing” or “Back in an Hour” or whatever, when they had to close the shop? Now everybody has to be clever and get you to go through all kinds of contortions before letting you know the simplest things. I hope the door gets broken down from all of these unnecessary moves.

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Cemetery

Those Brits. Associating elderly people with the cemetery. The question is, is this some kind of warning to drivers to not run over the elderly or is it a kind of direction sign for the elderly who may be looking for a local cemetery? I’m going to go with the latter since it is just too convenient to run over the elderly right near the cemetery and no one would want to mess with that setup. Or maybe you have a situation where the elderly are flocking to the cemetery and the sign just keeps them on the right path.

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Cats

So basically they’re saying if you are trying to contact your cat who may be staying at the veterinary hospital and you want to leave them a text, then you shouldn’t expect them to respond. Now is this some kind of put down of cat character or is it a simple statement regarding technology and the technological abilities of cats? I’m wondering if they would say the same about dogs, I mean dogs are known to be more friendly than cats unless of course you are a cat lover and know differently. I love both cats and dogs and am sure that my cat or dog would definitely text me if they could and if they had to, if only to get me to get them out of that place.

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Notice

This sign would seem to raise a deep philosophical dilemma. When was the sign placed there? When was the bicycle chained there? When was the hand written addition about some idiot added? All of this becomes pertinent to a complete understanding of the importance and relevance of the sign which is itself chained to the railing in a sense and maybe should also be removed.

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Pooping

One can only hope that this sign wasn’t posted in a public restroom. On the other hand, why would you want to hang around a place that is secluded and filthy enough to attract someone or ones to use it as a public toilet? Maybe it would be nicer if they could provide toilet paper instead of making dirty videos.

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Sink

This sign is easily understood since it was placed there by personnel working at Michigan State University. If you are an alumni of the University of Michigan as is this writer, such nonsense is just taken in stride. They are at good at writing signs as they are at playing football. Do you go to the Physical Plant Building to get more information before or after using the sink? I guess if you are in a hurry you could just text them.

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Toilet Crouch

Not everyone grows up in the same culture as this sign makes perfectly clear to us. Although the sign appears on a London street it is written in Thai. This was in response to too many events in which Asian tourists proceeded to use the loo in a way in which they were best accustomed, or in a crouching position over a hole. One can only hope that the sign solved the problem by showing the Asian tourist how to properly sit on a toilet but who knows, they may have preferred the floor after this.

4

Red Button

How long did it take you to notice that the red button springs a mouse trap that would not feel all that good once it had closed on your finger or maybe you would use your thumb? This makes me think that the establishment that places such a sign within reach of its clientele is probably not too open to complaints. But then that’s just my guess.

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Alien

These days you almost expect to find signs like this that are sufficiently gender inclusive. The problem is that the sign does not differentiate sufficiently between genders of aliens, assuming that the symbol represents aliens and not some other earthly gender that we may not yet be aware of. Or maybe it’s the new symbol for transgenders. It’s anyone’s guess.

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Floor

This somehow reminds me of the Bernie Madoff operation where the so-called legitimate business took place on the 19th floor of the Lipstick Building in New York City but the real business was clandestinely carried out on the 15th. Maybe the sign was originally supposed to read “THE 19TH FLOOR HAS TEMPORARILY BEEN MOVED TO THE 15TH FLOOR,” but someone made a mistake and wrote “9TH FLOOR” instead and this was all a part of the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme.

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Tiny Money

Just as I always suspected, there really is a little guy in the machine that counts the money out to you after reading your card. I wonder if he or she takes a cut from it. They couldn’t find a gnome to replace him or her? You’d think that the job market would be strong enough to sustain more than one gnome to an ATM machine. I wonder if they use gnomes in the coke machines as well.

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Crappy Sign

Is this the opinion of the guy who posted the sign or are they advertising three special shitty flavors like I’ve been looking everywhere? You might want to try two scoops, one delicious flavor and one shitty and see which one you like best. Or maybe they are referring to sherbet. A lot of people don’t like sherbet.

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Optional Clothes

It’s good to put up a sign when the situation becomes as unique as this one. Most people are used to wearing clothes and would not even think of removing them in public. It’s always good to have a sign to let us know that clothes are an option and you have the choice of wearing them or not wearing them. I suppose that also depends on the weather. Where are we anyway?

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The End

Everything must end, even public transit lines, but why so suddenly? Now here’s an idea. You could send this photo to a lover when things haven’t been going too well, or maybe you want to get rid of an unproductive employee, try sending them this photo and see if they get it. If they show up for work the next day, they didn’t.

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Wrong Way

I guess this is especially for areas where literacy is limited. Or maybe you have a lot of dyslexic people. Either way this street sign should be able to make the point, back up brother.

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Stealing

This one is self-evident. You stole my letters thus forcing me to become creative with a last ditch effort to stop the problem. Pretty original thinking considering the circumstances. Of course, if this does not work the messages are going to have to get increasingly shorter.

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Bird

Alright so they knew that the birds couldn’t read when they designed this sign, after all it is using what appears to be a universal symbol. So the only possible explanation is that either we are dealing with a bird brain or a bird with an attitude. Knowing birds as I do I would choose the latter explanation as being closer to the facts. They are definitely going to have to come up with some other solution. How about buckshot?

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Maimed

Okay so you are a handicapped person visiting China and international symbols are strange to you. I mean you’ve only been handicapped most of your life so that might explain your lack of understanding of these symbols, right? So just to make sure that you get the message, the kind sign makers of China have gone out of their way to use Google Translate to translate the Chinese symbols in this sign and they have come up with the clear message – “Maimed Person People” which kind of makes you wonder what the original Chinese says.

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Husband Day

The real question is why didn’t they come up with this a long time ago and spend so much time on day care for children when this was really what was needed all along. I can see possibilities for all kinds of government funded programs promoting such centers for working mothers, for businesses, there’s no end to the possibilities.

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Do Not Laugh at the Natives

Now here’s a strange one. It would seem appropriate to place on a street in Fort Myers Florida when the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus was in winter residence and you might see the occasional clown on his way to work. But such signs have been known to appear all over the world and may have first begun as a warning posted in Silver Valley Idaho to dissuade tourists from laughing at the local silver miners who had to work all day in dirty and smelly mines, and may have looked a bit bedraggled after a long workday.

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Sharp Edges

Maybe someone cut their finger while putting up the sign warning of the bridge being out and decided to do others a good deed and worn them about the sign. So much easier than smoothing out the edges or learning how to make signs in the first place. In this case all you had to do was reprint the sign and leave the edges as they were. I suppose that after the weather has had a chance to wear done the edges, the owner of the sign will have to reprint to concentrate more on the bridge being out and less on the state of the sign.

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Zombies

So what is the message here? “Be careful. You are entering a zombie zone?” You keep your tank full to keep ahead of the zombies? And anyway, who says that zombies can’t drive? Just because we’ve never seen any driving? That seems a bit racists, maybe they can drive, not too fast though. I would think that there are better reasons to keep your tank full that running ahead of the local zombies.

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Animals Eat

This sign is really a poor reflection on the zoo keepers and not so much the paying public. If the zoo personnel were taking proper care of the animals and feeding them properly they wouldn’t be tempted to eat the occasional zoo attendee who might fall into their cage. Then they wouldn’t get sick. So really the responsibility all lies with the zoo people, they should feed the animals properly then they wouldn’t have to be concerned about the visitors who probably wouldn’t be spending all that much time in the cages anyway.

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